Rear Ended

Rear Ended

After cutting a piece of wood with my ancient radial arm saw, I turned to retrieve the pencil that I’d used to mark the cut—the saw’s vibration had caused it to roll off the table and onto the floor. When I bent over to pick it up, though, I felt something funny, because I’d forgotten to return the business end of the saw—and now the spinning blade was introducing itself to my derriere!

Fortunately, the 14 plastic cards in my billfold saved me from harm, so only my ego was bruised. After this happened, of course, I was the butt (ha!) of  jokes such as “eventually you’ll get it in the end,” “your credit has been cut,” “you’re a walking dis-ass-ter,” etc. I’ll tell you one thing: It will never happen again, because I immediately got rid of
that saw!  –Charles Ingle

The Long and the Short of It

I was assembling a cabinet at the small woodworking shop where I work while my boss unpacked a shipment from one of our suppliers. “That darn Fryburg,” he complained. “Some of these parts are 8″ too long and others are 8″ too short.”

“Well,” I replied, “at least they average out.” We tossed back and forth a few more disparaging remarks about the offending supplier before I noticed that the bottom for the cabinet was too long. “Ha,” I smirked. “You should wait until your own ducks are all in a row before you criticize Fryburg. You cut this cabinet bottom 2″ too long.”

As I went over to the tablesaw to re-cut the bottom, Aden remarked, “You’d better make sure your own measurements are correct.” I knew he was only half-serious but I checked again—and did a double take. If not for his warning, I would have cut the bottom an inch too short! –Emery Yoder