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BAD DOGGIE!
Remote control modules for my dust collector are located near every machine in my workshop. They resemble the remote that my three-year-old granddaughter Jasmin has learned to use to change TV channels.
Recently, she and I decided to paint one of her toys, so we went to my shop. As I searched for the paint and brush, she found one of the remotes and pushed the start button. The dust collector roared to life and its upper bag instantly plumped full of air. Coupled with the unexpected machinery noise, Jasmin’s terrified screams were so startling, I nearly had a heart attack. Grabbing my leg, she climbed up as if I were a tree; tears and urine flowed over my shirt and jeans.
Quickly, I gathered my wits and found the stop button, but the infernal machine continued to rumble and growl as the bag deflated. Printed on the bag is a large picture of a fox. Jasmin stared at the picture with huge bulging eyes. Tears flowed in torrents and sobs punctuated her speech, but her message was clear: “BAD DOGGIE!” she cried.
Dale Thompson
MOULDING MISHAP
My friend Tony asked me to help him install crown molding around his new kitchen cabinets. We set up the miter saw in his garage and went to work. The installations were going smoothly. We’d measure each cabinet section, and then cut the mitered moldings. Every piece we cut fit perfectly—we were on a roll!
But then a car pulled up in front of the house across the street. Out stepped the most gorgeous woman, wearing a skirt with a long slit up the side. Every time she took a step…well, you get the point.
We collected the last few molding pieces we’d cut and carried them to the kitchen. The first piece was several inches too short; the second was even farther off. In fact, none of the pieces fit. I guess girl watching and woodworking are a bad combination.
Fred Johnsen
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