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As I work on the upcoming article “Young Maker’s Bookshelves” (for the October 2017 issue), I’m reminded of one of my favorite-ever posts (from 2009): “Ridiculous Woodworking Books, ” by Christopher Schwarz – mostly for the hilarious responses.
But that was 8 years ago – it’s time for some new ones.
Here’s a few from me (which are at best merely amusing):
“The Ultimate Guide to Craft Fair Crap” (an homage to Chris’ 2009 post)
“$300 is a Lot of Money” (If you haven’t seen Wilbur Pan’s video, well, you must)
“The Big Book of Handcrafted Door Stops”
“Lathe Safety: A Guide to Hair Ties”
“Artisan Wedges”
“I Meant to Do That: BladeBurns & Tear-Out as Decoration”
“Here, Hold My Beer: A Tale of Triage”
Leave your titles in the comments below – the title that makes me laugh the most will earn the commenter a copy of “The Art and Craft of Cabinet-Making,” our hardcover, high-quality reprint of David Denning’s 1891 classic (which is not ridiculous, though the prose is amusing); I just happen to have an extra copy at my desk. To be entered in the “contest,” post your titles by 6 p.m. (EDT) Sunday (June 18, 2017).
Credit for this title to Christopher Schwarz
p.s. I like silly titles; I came up with a list of possible renovation mystery books on my personal blog one day as I was framing out the shower.
Here are some supplies and tools we find essential in our everyday work around the shop. We may receive a commission from sales referred by our links; however, we have carefully selected these products for their usefulness and quality.
The Blivet – How to Pack 47 Woodworking Machines into a 10 by 10 shed
Masterclass: Grain Matching and Finishing Techniques of the Big Box Stores
Advanced Marquetry and Veneering: Replicating the Look of OSB
Fixing Your Friends’ Cheap Chairs for Fun and Profit
So You’re an Artist: 50 Everyday Jobs that Can Pay the Bills
Tails First: Carving Wooden Coins for Fun and Profit
(Actually, I like Jim Dee’s real title best. Good thing I already have my Denning!)
Where the f&$@ is my thumb; ‘tips’ on jointer planing
“Every which way and loose: the guide to inaccurate joinery”
Fixing Your Woodworking Tools by Jerry Rigg
I thought a good title for woodturning for dummies would be “Bowling for Dullards”
Kopf’enegger: Master Google, not Woodworking.
“Wooden Lingerie and Other Uses for See-Through Shavings”
Woodie: Carving the Anatomically Correct Male Genitalia
Sorry, this one might be a little too off color for a family magazine. I understand if it doesn’t make it past the censors, but thought you might get a chuckle out of it anyway.
“The Right Tool For The Right Job” or “Why Band Saws make poor nail trimmers.”
Doorstops, Shims, Paint Mixers, Glue Applicators and 25 Other Projects for Beginning Woodworkers.
Particularly Perfect: Beautify Your Home With Projects Made From Salvaged Particle Board, MDF, and OSB Scraps.
“The Handplane Lovers Guide to Making Hamster Bedding”
“I Have to Build Something Now!? – Simple Projects for When You Run Out of Tools to Sharpen”
“Step Away From The Plane – Intervention Strategies for the Tool Obsessed”
A Splintered Life: Confessions of A (Cheap) Woodworking Addict
Chapter 1: The Beginning: It’s Norm’s Fault
Chapter 2: The Fall: Power Tools Corrupt Absolutely
Chapter 3- The Addiction: I Love the Smell of Shellac in the Morning
Chapter 4- The Skids: Stop the Car-I Think That’s 5/4 White Oak!
Chapter 5- Redemption: Anarchy and Woodworking? Who’d have thunk?
Chapter 6- Epilogue: PWM- Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in.
Modern Joinery: If You Can’t Use a Kreg, Build Something Else
101 Ways to Convince the customer that ‘its a feature’.
Beginners Woodworking Medical Guide: 101 things to do with duct tape and superglue.
“True Recycling: How to copy everyone else’s projects on your YouTube channel for Fun and Profit!”
Measure Twice Cut Once – Too Short Story
Hiding from my Inlaws: The Art of Handcut Dovetails
Woodworking: Still Cheaper than Meth..Barely
The Boat in the Basement- Silent Woodworking with Leroy Jethro Gibbs
How to injure your self with hand tools, or Stumpy Nubbs has nothing on me!
“Paleolithic Workbenches”
“Lost Digit, Found Money: Suing Tablesaw Mfgs for Fun and Profit (Even When it’s Your Own Damn Fault)”
“The Unplugged Shop: Because Beer”
Fo’ Chisel – Woodworking in Mainstream Hip Hop.
Grain Expectations
Tuesdays With Moxon
How To Hide Hand Planes From Your Spouse
50 Ways To Shoot Better Instagram Photos Of Your Tools And Not Appear To Be Bragging
The Greats of Rasps
“Shop Made; How to outfit your garage to look like you can make stuff.”
“1001 Things you can do in a workshop instead of mowing the lawn”
“Furniture for the Tasteless and the Tacky”
“Wooden Toys no child wants”
“Timeless Heirloom Immortality Guaranteed Furniture for the Beginner”
“Purpleheart and how to burn it”
“Turning the Horse Apple”
“The Better Homes and Gardens Guide to Profanity in the Workshop”
50 Shades of Shellac
The Art and Craft of Hiring a Professional
Snug joinery for the slow of study
Shooting End Grain: NRA’s Guide to Woodworking
(Last one…maybe)
“Thirty Seven Inches”
Cat furniture You Can Really Live With
Underhill’s revenge: those flakes ain’t candy and what not to drink in the woodshop edition 2
Woodworkers First Aid Book: How to Stitch Up Your Chisel Mishaps With a Needle and Thread You Make Yourself
Hearing Protection – Because Your Marriage Is Important
How To Shop For That Homemade Look
Twelve Tool Review: 1 Dozen Investments You’ll Wish You Had Skills For
Woodworking – Next Time Will Be Better…ish
Git yer turd in a herd: The ultimate guide to hand carved toilet seats
Build a Motherf#€£ing Birdhouse!
Crafting with Samuel L Jackson
How to make your own stain, a horse owners guide to woodworking.
Why Knot? How to use number 2 pine in all your projects.
How to make cooking utensils from pressure treated lumber scraps.
“How Do I Get This Canoe Out of the Livingroom” 10 Remodeling Ideas for the Woodworking Who Doesn’t Think Ahead
The House That Suess Built: A Remodlers Guide
Reading: The #1 way to improve your woodworking skills!
Austere Chippendale Furniture; A Minimalist Approach.
Birdhouses for Kitchen, Bath and Bedroom
Hand Tools Are for Suckers
Traditional Joinery Techniques with the Cordless Drill
All Your Furniture Should Be Pine: Why Hardwoods Are Overrated
Stress Relief Techniques for the Frustrated Woodworker
Love Your Woodpile: Advice for the Woodworker with No Time.
2×4 to Sculpture While You Wait
How to Become a Woodworker That Collects Tools
How to Lose Money on Building Furniture for Your Friends
By Stone & Stick – The Ultimate Pre-Hand Tool Resource
Woodworking in the Kitchen
Wood Finishing for Dummies – Paint
WoodTalk Podcast Transcripts
Lumber Hoarding for Beginners
Make Your First Piece of Furniture After 10 Year of Building You Shop
-Woodworking for Beginners: How to try everything and finish nothing
-Woodworking for Beginners: How to recognize when your friends and family are just being nice when they say your ‘Stuff’ is ‘Awesome’
-Close Enough: When microns become meaningless
-Artisanal Firewood: Projects from your first year of woodworking
And another…
“Save That Saw Dust: Your Ultimate Guide to Recreating IKEA Furniture at Home”
The Three Finger Grip: How I Quit the Table Saw for Handsaws Just in Time.
pallet carving. a beginners guide to gouging.
A Close Shave : Planes and Table Saw Edition
Joinery Fails or How I learned to love the Kreg Jigs
Why does my Sawdust Pile Smell Like Cat Poop and other Weird Tales of Open Shop Doors.
One more…
“Virtual Woodworking: Enjoy Your Hobby From Your Favorite Chair”
50 New Words To Use While Making Dovetails
The Frowning Spouse: How To Hide Your Latest Woodworking Tool Purchase
Turn $200 Of Wood Into A $20 Cutting Board
“A Lumber Guide for the Middle-Aged Woodworker: How to Get Wood, Keep Wood And Make it Last Longer”
Woodworking in Antartica
The Woodworker: The non-Charles H. Hayward Years (pamphlet)
Eskimo Workbenches: Xeroxed Edition
Trump/Clinton Campaign Furniture
Against the Grain: You’ll just figure it all out over time
Mouldings in Theory
Make a Tree from a Joint Stool
The Fascist’s Tool Chest & Design Book
The Art of Disassembly
The Expendable Woodworker
By Foot & Mouth
To Make as Expensively as Possible: Roubo on Book Publishing
Chairmaker’s Yellow Sticky
Wait, I’m confused. Real books, or imaginary books? ‘Cause I have a real one in mind:
“Carving Athletic Santa”
https://www.amazon.com/Ransom-Athletic-Mini-Cheers-Schiffer-Woodcarvers/dp/0887408257/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497441655&sr=8-1&keywords=ransom+athletic+santa